cheesy ideas

Cian has arrived, and tentatively been named Erik. I don't know if it will stick; we'll see. I did his face-up once, didn't like it, did it again... and now I'm quite happy with it. XD He just needs clothes of his own.

( See dolly pics here. )

Well, it's the first time I've posted in forever, and what do I want to talk about? Dolls. ^^;;

( Dolly Spam! )

I'll try and talk about something other than dolls in another post. ~.^

I went to the Renaissance Festival yesterday with Neiru. As usual, it was quite fun. I'll report the minorly bad first, then the fun stuff. =3

THE BAD:

I managed to trip on the way in and my ankle gave out. My ankle is fine, so no worries; I walked on it the rest of the day with no pain, and it's perfectly fine today. But I managed to skin my opposite knee when I landed on it. Oh well... I cleaned and bandaged it when I got home, and it was just a minor irritation.

I also managed to get stung by a bee on my right middle finger. I was reaching for a water bottle I'd just bought, a bee landed and I didn't notice, I grabbed the water bottle *and* the bee, and the bee protested the rough treatment. That sucked. It's been so long since I last got stung that I forgot how much it friggin' hurts. >.< But my finger isn't swollen today and the pain did *eventually* leave, so I guess it doesn't matter too much.

THE GOOD:

I made sure I remembered to wear sunscreen this time. (I'm still getting rid of the burn the last time I forgot to wear it. ^^;;) So I'm not as red as a tomato today, which I'm grateful for.

Neiru and I watched men on horseback in full armor try to run each other down with long, pointy sticks (jousting), then beat each other over the head repeatedly with swords (dueling). Fun, fun.

A guy was doing a rather nice cosplay of Jack Sparrow. He had the walk and the manner down, and he didn't seem to mind getting glomped by hordes of adoring fangirls or having his picture taken. *amused*

The battered cheese curds booth still sells the best cheese curds in the entire world. =) They always serve them piping hot using fresh cheese and fresh batter, and a side of marinara sauce if you get the large. Mm... Yummy. My favorite food at the fair by far.

Neiru and I caught a few minutes of the act Puke and Snot, and chuckled at that. They've got a funny skit, although I wasn't ready to buy their DVD (sold at a booth nearby). ^^;;

There was an artist booth with very pretty animal pictures. Wolves, foxes, lions, griffins, unicorns, dragons, eagles, bears... some were just straight animals, some had been "humanized" a little (very little in most cases). Either way, they were very pretty.

Near the latter end of the day, when my energy was gone, I sat around on a small, grassy stage/hill and watched the people go by. It's always suprisingly fun to do this. I saw Jack Sparrow, Link and another cosplay elf I couldn't immediately identify wander by. I noticed a lot of people were dressing as pirates this year. A troop of 6 or 7 children all in costume toddled through as well. At first they didn't appear to have any parental supervision, so it was just this small troop of kids and it was so cute... (Never fear, the mom/parental figure was nearby.)

As Neiru and I headed home, we discussed the complexities of relationships and the odd, societal viewpoint that finding a significant other will fix all your problems.

Overall, I had a good time. ^_^

Just a few pics. Finally. ^^;;


Sebastian got a new face-up and now he's a bit more mischevious and smirky. I'm still not 100% happy with his face-up, but I like it more than I did. I'm starting to get an idea of his personality.


His name was supposed to be Wilfred (below), but the two switched names on me. >.< Now he's Elliot. He's way too cute.


Wilfred. *lol* He hates his name! He's a little rebelious. I need to find him a fur wig in dark brown or black at some point, but this will do for a little while. (Thanks to ChiByakko for letting me borrow it. ^_^)

Still getting the hang of this. But I'm having fun, so whatever. It's a little longer, a bit cheesy, and definitely more angsty. ^^;; Minimally edited, because otherwise I edit to death. And these are just for fun, so it doesn't matter if it's perfect.

( Another Kingdom Hearts drabble, using the word CHOICES as a prompt. )

My love of the game Tales of the Abyss has been slowly creeping back to the forefront of my interest. Not that it's ever really gone away; it just kind of simmered in the background for awhile.

My renewal of interest doesn't surprise me, really, since I adore the characters, the possible pairings, the plot, and the battle system. I love it all. =3

What sparked it is the fact that I'm making a costume for Yaoi-con based on the character Tear from the game. She's not my favorite, but she looks more like me than the others and I can act like her. I'm also going to be making costumes of Asch & Luke for two of my dolls. Fun, fun. =3

I've also been researching the game, downloading anime clips from the game, and tentatively thinking of writing for it. What, I'm not exactly sure, but I want to write SOMETHING for it. Something I can finish, which means keeping it from being epic-length. It would probably be an Asch x Luke pairing. As much as I would love to write a Jade x Guy piece, I just am not able to get in Jade's head, so my representation of him is really off.

Time to go home. Ramble done.

The 4 pounds I gained at the Renaissance Festival doesn't seem to have been a fluke, because I've spent all week trying to get it off again. =P Oh well. It IS coming off pretty fast, and I've learned my lesson.

Otherwise, I've been working at story stuff. I miss writing, but I feel as if I've been away from it for so long that I need some serious practice before attempting anything major. So without further ado, a piece of practice. *shrug*

( A little Kingdom Hearts drabble, using the word SECONDS as a prompt. )

-_- Boy, am I out of practice. I've gotta do more short writing prompts.

I went to the Renaissance Festival on Sunday with my parents, and ate foods I shouldn't have, including cheese curds, a corn dog, cheesy fries, and a rice krispie kabob. But they were so good that I can't regret it. Besides, I'm back to being good today. ^^

I managed to keep myself from buying much, although I did get my hair done up in braids while I was there. According to the women who run the booth, their hair styles can last up to four days, providing you take precautions at night when you sleep. And judging from how my hair looked this morning, they're right (even though I didn't take any precautions). My braids look exactly the same as they did yesterday. They'll be taken out today, though. I wanna wash my hair tonight, darn it.

Unfortunately, all the food I ate the Renfest seems to have gained me back an additional 4 pounds in 1 day. O.o Which is abnormally high for me. I'm hoping it has something to do with my braids, because honestly, they're heavy. At worst, I should be able to lose it again pretty quickly. *shrug* I'll be able to tell tomorrow morning.

In other news, my creativity is stirring. For the first time in a long time, I have the urge to write stories. To that end, I've been developing magic for a fanfic alternate universe. A friend has been helping me brainstorm and contributing enormously with her ideas and suggestions. I'm having fun. =3

I've lost another .7 pounds this morning, according to my scale. ^_^ This makes me happy. And I'm looking forward to walking at lunch again today. I'm planning on going 3 times around the building, if I allow myself enough time. I forgot my walking shoes, though. =P

In other news, I had a weird dream this morning. Not related to the weight loss. I dreamed that I... got a boyfriend. He confesses to me during the dream, and after a little bit of discussion with him (which amounted to "wait, what?") that's about when it ended. O_O This is VERY weird for me. I just don't dream about that stuff! I cannot recall once in my life ever dreaming about gaining a significant other.

I guess now I know what kind of guy I secretly want. The dream guy had apparently admired me from afar for awhile, he wasn't handsome but just kind of cute, and was devoted, sweet and caring.

I'm both amused and horrified I dreamed this. I mean, honestly speaking, I'm happy single. I can spend my money how I want, do what I want whenever I feel like it, and I have a freedom I wouldn't if I had a significant other. I like this, especially since I'm an introvert. But... I guess I have to acknowledge that as much as I enjoy being single, I also kind of want a significant other. *facepalm*

Well, it's not a revelation or anything. I've known that was my feeling for a long time. I've just never had it so clearly and concisely pointed out to me.

I have 2 minutes before lunch ends, so this'll be short and random. ^^;;

I began dieting again. Or rather "eating better and exercising" since diet implies starving oneself. I ate a healthy breakfast and lunch, and today I walked 2 times around my company building during lunch as well. I'm going to try and make this into a habit.

My first day on the diet, I gained .5 pounds. -_-;; My second day I lost 2.6. So we'll see how it goes now that I'm getting back in the groove of things. *shrug*

3 minutes. Ack! Back to work.
--Ashvolt

Well, I went to the State Fair on the last day, which was quite fun, as usual. I had a corn dog and mini donuts and cookies and lots of water (it was hot) and all sorts of yummies. =3

Also as usual, my mom and I went through the haunted house. I hung on for dear life as ghouls and creepies leaped out at us, or made sudden, loud noises. My mom just laughed. *lol* Fun, fun.

In my daily life, I have slowly started... fixing things, I guess. I've been lazy and inactive (both physically and mentally) for too long now. So, I'm in process of updating things on my site. I haven't done much yet, but I don't feel just doing everything in a huge release, so I think I'll trickle things out this time.

I also began working on my stories again. One fanfic in particular, which requires a lot of detailed thought into how exactly the world works to make it believable, is getting most of my creative energy. I'm figuring out how magic works, what it can do, what it can't, and where it all comes from. Next I get to think about how the world looks, how the two cultures I'm focusing on for the story work, their traditions, problems, etc. I'm having fun. ^____^ I love thinking and planning this stuff out, and it's been a long time since I last focused this intently on a story.

In doll related news, my two newest little ones arrived. They have face-ups, but are waiting on wigs and clothes. ^^;; I sewed one pair of pants, and now I need to sew another pair of pants and a shirt or two. And socks. They need socks. Still, the first pair of pants I made worked out surprisingly well, so I'm happy. I'll introduce them once I'm done.

--Ashvolt

Bad weather sucks. >P

I'm currently in St. Louis, Missouri for the second week of training for my new job. But getting here was...interesting.

First, the luggage belts were down at the airport. This meant that instead of our baggage merrily traveling down the belt at the kiosks to be sorted, we had to carry our luggage to a waiting line, where we were expected to simply drop it off. As no one from Northwest was watching the luggage, and it was just sitting in the open, I was afraid that either someone would steal it, or it would be sent to the wrong place.

Then my plane was delayed. I was supposed to begin boarding at 7:05 pm, to take off at 7:35. Because of the thunderstorm raging outside, that didn't happen. At 8:30, the plane finally landed. Then we got to wait for a 3rd flight attendant to arrive (his plane was also delayed). Around 9:00, the poor attendant arrives. Fifteen minutes later we board, and at 9:44 we leave the ground. It was a full 2 hours later than expected.

I arrive in St. Louis around 11:15, grumpy and tired as hell. I grab my luggage (not lost or stolen despite my fears), find an airport taxi and get to my hotel.

It's 11:50 by the time I step foot in my hotel room, but it takes me awhile to unpack and figure out the alarm clock and prepare for bed, so it's 12:15 by the time I crawl into bed. I set the alarm for 7 am, and attempt to fall asleep. "Attempt" being the key word there. Ugh.

Still, I'm here, intact, with all my luggage accounted for, and there's something to be said for that.

I''ll order delivery tonight (no room service at this hotel, unfortunately) and get to sleep early. My company is paying for all of my food while I'm here. Gotta love it. And my company is within easy walking distance of my hotel, which is also very nice. So while getting here was a pain, I think I'll do okay. *nods*

Anyway, see everyone in 5 days! I'll be back Friday evening. =3 I'm not sure whether I'll be feeling anti-social, or desperate for company. I'll play it be ear.

--Ashvolt

Well, it's my first day of work at my new job. The company is the same, but everything else is different. I'm on a different floor, with different co-workers, a different cube, a different boss, and of course the job itself has drastically changed.

So far, though, I think I'm going to enjoy it. My boss is nice, my co-workers are friendly and supportive, and there's an actual training program (very different from my previous jobs). I'm shadowing my neighbor today, slowly getting a feel for one of the programs we use, and generally just taking things in. Tomorrow, the trainer arrives, and I get to try and keep myself awake in a classroom. =P

I'm going to need to get a packet or three of gum on the way home. It keeps me awake.

My new hours are annoying (8am-5pm, with an hour lunch), but I'll get used to it, and I'm sure eventually I'll even really like it. Oh well.

I'm hoping this job change stimulates the ol' creative juices again. I swear my last job just... sucked it dry. Either we were so busy, I was too tired to do anything, or we were so bored that I never felt like doing anything. But we'll see. *shrug*

Break done. Back to work!
--Ashvolt

Well, I've managed to find another job, and will begin on August 13th. ^______^ I'm super happy about it. The job is at my current company, I'll be making a little bit more money, I can keep my current benefits and PTO balance, and most importantly, I think I'm going to like my new boss and new job. So life is good, and the stress I was under before has gone down considerably.

I promised myself that if by some miracle I got the job, despite there being 95 other applicants, I could let myself get a Luts Kid DELF Bory and a Luts Kid DELF Cherry (boy) in celebration. So... I ordered from Luts yesterday night. I can't wait to get them! I expect it will take a month or more, though, since Bory is very new and therefore they won't have any in stock right now.

For reference, this is what they look like:

Bory
http://www.eluts.com/frontstore/Item/item_zoom.asp?item_num=3269&catalog_num=52&mart_id=lutsdoll&level=&mother_catalog_num=122

Cherry
http://www.eluts.com/frontstore/Item/item_zoom.asp?item_num=2874&catalog_num=81&mart_id=lutsdoll&level=&mother_catalog_num=122

I finally got bit by the cute bug. >.<

So yes, that's what's going on in my life.

Sounds about right. *nods*

--Ashvolt

My hunt for a job continues. I’ve had two interviews and another scheduled for July 9th, all within my current company. (No luck whatsoever outside of the company.) I don’t know how good or bad my chances for any of them are, but I sincerely hope I get one of them. I would love to stay at my company.

I’m also continuing the work on my dragon-boy. I am slowly formulating a plan for the wings. I found the perfect material for wings in the remnant section of my local Hancock Fabrics. (There was a lot, and it was CHEAP! *cackles*) Meanwhile, I’m hard at work modifying the feet… although they still look really silly right now. =P I’m hoping adding some claws will help. I promise I’ll put up pictures once they’re decent and relatively finished. At the very worst, if I ruin them and have to scrap the feet all-together, I can start over from scratch. Which, while seriously annoying, wouldn’t be a tragedy.

Oh, and under the cut is a review/rant for the anime Melody of Oblivion. However, the long and short of it is: “An otherwise interesting series turns trippy and depressing in the second half. Avoid unless you really like a heavy done of existentialism.”

( Melody of Oblivion review… >.< )

--Ashvolt

In a previous post, I mentioned (*cough* ranted *cough*) about the trouble at work, but did say that I was hopeful it would blow over.

However, as time went on, I became increasingly worried. My teammates' cries of "we're doomed!" were enough to vaguely worry me, but then other things started to come out. My company is considering moving our copy center (which we use extensively) to the new headquarters in St. Louis, the head of the department in St. Louis was pulling reports which made us nervous, there was an edict from on-high to "centralize" departments, and the writer positions that were previously posted for our department were moved to St. Louis alone.

Finally, today, they came clean. There will be a "reorganization," and as of October 1st, our department will be moved solely to St. Louis. Which means I'm out of a job then.

I'm oddly optimistic. My company handled the entire thing very, very well, considering. Here's the rundown of what they did right:

(a) The head of the department came up here to tell us personally. He was straightforward and spelled out exactly what was happening and why. He did not lie and say, "Oh, we're not getting rid of you!"... just to let us go later. I am grateful he was so honest and forthright about it.

(b) We've been given a whopping 4 months of pre notice. I'm relieved to finally know where it all stands, and that my company was respectful enough of me to give me so much pre notice. I do not feel anymore as if I have been blindfolded and left to wander, not knowing what is going on around me or where the danger is. Now, the blindfold has been removed, the danger is known, and I can try to avoid it.

(c) They're trying to make this as easy as possible on us, considering. Pre termination, they will help us with counseling/advice and by shuffling any resumes we send out within the company to the top of the list (ie, preferential treatment). Taking sudden time off for interviews is fully allowed, and my supervisor (a very nice guy) has already told us his door is open if we need advice or a chance to vent. Post termination, my company will help us out with severance pay and access to services to help us find something else. My current benefits will go all the way through the end of October, even though technically my last day is October 1st, and after that I have access to the COBRA health plan. (Friggin' expensive, though.) I also get a check for the balance of unused PTO. =3 (I have a lot, by the by.)

(d) They made this decision a lot sooner than anticipated. They were predicting late June. Instead, it is very early June, and we know already. Which means I have that much more time to look around.

So, overall, while the decision to let my group go isn't one I like, at least I feel as if I have options and can begin to move forward again.

...I admit, I'm very scared. I hate the fact my job is being cut, and I'm forced into this position. But I'm also grateful. Because I know it could have been lot, lot worse, and in it's own, odd way, my company is being as nice and helpful about it as they can.

I have already submitted two resumes within the last week or so (in anticipation of this decision), one within my company (and which I am now guaranteed an interview), and one outside of my company. On Monday during work, I'll continue to look for other places to send my resume to as well.

So yeah. Bad news delivered in a good way, I guess. I will survive this!

My not-so-secret project has been turning my Angell Studio Cain into a "dragon-boy," ie, a half-human, half-dragon. Here are my first, very rough modifications. I need to do some serious sanding and shaping, but at least the initial mods to the head are done. No going back now. It's amazing how photos pick up every mistake, though. O.o

These were scary as heck to do, considering how much these dolls cost. (Even if the cost for this one was half what dolls of this size usually go for.) Next are the feet and hands, and figuring out a way to make leather wings. And after that, painting and stringing the body back together. There's a lot of work left to do.

I'm not even sure if he's a dragon-boy anymore, or if he's... something else. The "scales" aren't very dragon-like to me, more like... stone. Maybe he's actually part golem or a chimera of some type... Meh. Dunno. We'll see as this progresses.



( See more pictures! )
--Ashvolt

Just a single shot. Outfit courtesy of Luts, which is where the idea for this picture came from. The wig is a custom from Kstarr. The beer mug was bought at a local cake decorating store, oddly enough. And the treasure is from my jewelry box. ^^;

--Ashvolt

Summary version:

Work is uncertain right now and this uncertainty followed me into my dreams in a very morbid way. O_O

Longer version:

I have been at my company since December 2002, and it provided my first steady, full-time job, as well as my second and third. I have been there what feels like a long time and I enjoy it there. I've always liked my co-workers and my bosses, and I get kick-arse benefits. I didn't particularly enjoy my first job there, but I liked my second and adore my third (current) job.

However, lately there's been trouble. There are two bosses in my department, people who have been there forever and we know are looking out for our interests. Well... they both left about the same time, leaving my department leaderless.

This might not be a problem or a serious cause for worry, except for a variety of factors which boils down to, 1) my team is split between two states, 2) the VP favors the other team, 3) he made comments which have lead part of my team to believe we will eventually be let go, 4) my company has done this exactly before - let one team go entirely, and 5) my company has a tendency to repeat past mistakes. =P

Is there true cause for worry? Honestly, I don't know. I took the comments which the VP made completely differently than the other, more pessimistic members of my team. It's a critical case of interpretation.

I resolved to update my resume, just in case, but not "shop around" until some kind of confirmation came in either way. I wasn't particularly worried, and honestly, I'm still not particularly worried... because even if our team is eventually let go, it would be sometime in December probably, which is theoretically plenty of time to find another job. As I've told others, I haven't been losing sleep over it, and this is true.

But, as this morning proved, I have been DREAMING about it. In an analogy so obvious that even I can't miss it.

I dreamed that I learned I was going to die, something I gather was slow and painful. Instead of suffering though it, the doctors were making me go through euthanasia. I would be put to sleep, permanently. The date was set (much too soon), and I knew I couldn't get out of it.

I worried about what would happen to my parents, how they would cope, how they would pay for my funeral (then recalled the life insurance policy I get from my company), if my mother would die of a broken heart. But I never considered trying to get out of it. It felt as if this was something that HAD to happen, and it would be useless to struggle. I would be put to sleep whether I was ready or not, so I was calm and just did my best to prepare for it.

At one point, my mother or similar asked me in a broken voice if I was really that calm and ready to die. I broke out in tears. "Of COURSE I'm not ready! I don't WANT to die yet!"

There's a jump, and the next thing I knew, the interim-boss we have for my department at work was helping me to fill out paperwork associated with death. At the same time, a co-worker on my team gave me a present of a bathing suit specially designed to show off flab. "It'll show off your extra weight, and encourage you to lose it. It'll look great once you lose it though!" I thanked him for his gift, mentally sad that I wouldn't have a chance to lose the weight and look good in the bathing suit before I died.

There's another jump, and two children (both aspects of me) were racing through a complicated, maze-like structure, with sharp, sometimes nonsensical passages; sterile, hospital white walls; and cold floors. (Think of something like a mix between an Egyptian tomb with a hospital's cold influence and efficiency.) The skinny child encourages the fatter child through a small opening in the maze/tomb. But the fatter child/I couldn't make it, so I went another way, up a flight of stairs. And at the top was a simple room with four or five large, blue, metallic coffins. The skinny child actually got on top of one and bounced tentatively on it a little before seeming to realize what it was and getting down, rather sadly.

It ends as I'm making the journey to be put down, and all I can think, over and over, in an ever-increasing scream in my thoughts is, "I don't want to die! I'm not ready yet! I don't want to die!"

I wake up about then. Oddly enough, the dream didn't feel like a nightmare. Despite the morbid topic and how it ended, I was calm and collected throughout the dream, and I woke up feeling normal. So while not a good dream, it wasn't a nightmare, either.

And I knew almost immediately what the entire dream had been an analogy for. Work, and the uncertainty surrounding it there. While consciously I'm not worried, it seems obvious now that subconsciously, I am. To see the death of my department feels inevitable and unstoppable. And right now, I am unable to see what exists for me (career-wise) beyond it. Hence the analogy to death in my dream.

The blue of the coffins represent my company (blue is the primary color) and specifically my co-workers. It seems fitting that our interim-boss was the one filling out the paperwork for "death."

As the dream proves, despite how calm and logical I'm taking it, I am not ready to move on yet. This is true; I am NOT mentally ready. I like my co-workers, my job, and I liked my (now ex) boss. I was and am not ready for such a drastic change. But things change whether I am ready or not. How drastic the change is, is not yet know, but already things have changed and will continue to change. So all I can do is accept it, however unwillingly, and try to move past it.

*sigh* Sorry for the depressing post. I'm just... working through it right now, and likely will for the next few months. I know things will turn out alright, but uncertainty and the unknown scares me, and this definitely qualifies.

--Ashvolt